>.<  i'm not gonna write anymore.

my mom knows about my xanga somehow..

I guess I shouldnt put my thoughts down on xanga after all........I wish I could..then i would be less stressed all the time about random stuff...

but whenever I try to get rid of my stress/ anger on xanga or anywhere else on the web...I end up hurting someone's feelings or making them feel bad......

I hate keeping all these feelings inside me...the only way I can think of is to write in a journal, but then my mom might see it...even if i hide it....

I guess I'll just keep all of my feelings inside of me from now on...I dont need to hurt anyone else...i've hurt enough people.....even tho in some cases what i write down had nothing to do with why they were hurt....

I need to be more careful of what i write and say.....so that I dont hurt anymore people...

I guess I shouldnt put my thoughts down on xanga after all........I wish I could..then i would be less stressed all the time about random stuff...

but whenever I try to get rid of my stress/ anger on xanga or anywhere else on the web...I end up hurting someone's feelings or making them feel bad......

I hate keeping all these feelings inside me...the only way I can think of is to write in a journal, but then my mom might see it...even if i hide it....

I guess I'll just keep all of my feelings inside of me from now on...I dont need to hurt anyone else...i've hurt enough people.....even tho in some cases what i write down had nothing to do with why they were hurt....

I need to be more careful of what i write and say.....so that I dont hurt anymore people...

on xanga, i have like....2 subscriptions...haha...- hence my username- xD  

I am so stupid...so so so so so so so so so stupid!! 

I always make people go into depression modes......

I make people think twice about themselves...

WHYYYYYYYYY?????????????????

ANYWAYS, myrtle beach was really really funn.  I got darkerrr  >.<

we left at 8 in the morning on sunday and we got to the hotel at 2.  we had a 2 bed room, a kitchen, and a living room with a pull out bed...and an ocean front view...we could see the ocean from our room..
the hotel had 7 pools!! O_O

So we swam in the pools, went in this "lazy river" pool where the water kept moving in one direction and we went around in big circles...
andd of course, we went into the ocean.
We jumped the waves....
there were a lot of people being stung by jellyfish..and I saw a jellyfish O_O i think my brother Michael got stung by one...his hand is swollen..  O_O
my dad fished and caught 4 fishes...

SURPRISINGLY, the whole trip, I got along with my brother Michael! =o 

I know how to cope with him now......thanks to all who offered advice!!  

and whoever wrote me the honesty message on facebook......i dont think my feeling toward my brother is gonna turn into hate oneday....

aghhh....there I go again....Im always soo stubborn... but i really dont WANT to hate my brother....and I dont think thats gonna happen....but its the opposite of the persons opinions, so will saying that upset them?? 

Soo, maybe, whenever my opinion is not the same as the other person's.....I should just not state it?

*sigh*  my big mouth always gets me into so much drama....

OK...everyone who I upset or who i made depressed:  I'm really sorry....... I love you all!!!!

hmm...i dunno if its a good idea to put my thoughts on xanga

but i guess i will since nobody ever uses xanga now! its FACEBOOK!!!!  ^_______^  haha..

sooo....my mom got angry at me because i didnt get along too well with my brother this morning...she thinks that im jealous of how she treats my brother, but i'm NOT jealous........im just not a super patient person...

in the following, when i say hate, i mean..."dont like"..

I hate when people jump to conclusions and thinks that since i'm older, its all my fault if my brothers yelling at me...that I said something to make my brother yell.......

I hate how people tell me to be more patient with my brother, and that we're supposed to get along because we're siblings. 

I hate how people see my brother's yelling and getting me into trouble as "normal" for his age and try  to change me...my character. I hate how they want me to be a totally different person.  They say that nobody's perfect, and then they tell me to be more patient, more caring toward my brother....to be a more "perfect" sister..

I hate when people say that i'm such a horrible sister...that i should learn from my "fights" with my brother..

I hate when people try to change who i am, how i act, how i think.......when they dont even know half of my problems/ struggles/ troubles...

and lets just say that 99% of the people that i know dont know my problems, my worries...what i have to deal with....